i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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