she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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