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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
