You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
