There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
