totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
