Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
