guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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