no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
