remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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