I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Randomize
