Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You can't just leave with hair like that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
