It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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