so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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