So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
