My liver just broke up with me...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
