He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
