We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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