TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
