pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
