Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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