I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
