eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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