hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
