operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
