you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
