wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
