There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
