I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
