I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
