i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Damn victory sex feels great
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
