is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
