I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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