I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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