Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
