life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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