I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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