Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up under a house in Key West
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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