WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
