when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
