Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
