Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
