Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
