I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
