I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
