This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
