Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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