Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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