It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
