you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
