My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
