that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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