I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
